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Seriously, my hubby and I are always have issues and conversations revolved around affection. We talk about how much we didn't get from parents, how much we need to give each other, how much is vital to give our son. Affection, touch, intimacy, how much of this is visible and/or lacking in the black community?

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3 Response to Sista-to-Sista: Are Black People Affectionate

Anonymous
12:35 AM

Affection in Black marriages is definitely sub par in my opinion. Every Black woman and man that I know is lacking in it in one way or another. So why do we including myself stay in these realtionships, cause there is no hope that anyone will ever be any different, especially if they are Black with a "Y" chromosone. I became ill and had to go on disability, I found that love and affection equals bringing a paycheck home. I was a degreed professional, but I was respected and loved when I bought a paycheck home and was told how his 51 year old mother still works. I was told that he was sick and tired ofmy being sick, nearly on my deathbed. I thought now maybe his mother would say to him, you are being rude, you don't treat your wife that way. Except, she had never beena wife and his thought process was, I can do it by myself and I am not throwing her a pity party. Amazed coming from a mom and dad who have been married over 35 years, I was in utter disbelief. Some mere kindness and affection could definitely aid in recovery. I don't believe that the Black men of our generation were soicalized to love (not just women but one another), be kind, affectionate, sincere, or caring towards Black women. My husband told me once that he doesn't even think a child needs two parents cause his mother didn't raise her kids that way. This man is 35 by the way... its awful and sad, I see the same cycle now. Many Black women that I know say that their Black man do bettter in their offices or work environments and when mixed with other races they always do better affectionately or just rather are more polite, sensitive to peoples needs,or how when caucasian need them (especially if they are in power) can get them to do anything, at any hour and leave their families on the back burner. Its the story of many. Another reason we stay with Black men who are not affectionate, circumstances and I have heard that most of us don't want to be lonely...so we put up with it, teach along the way, and when we find that we have to compete with the Black mans' affectionate guide and ultimate teacher "porno" we simply justify it all with, he doesn't know any better or its harmless. Having said all that, we can cook our hearts out, clean the houses, raise the children, take trips, be submissive, believe in GOD, or look like Halle Berry, but the fact still remains, alot of them did not leave their upbringing with the knowledge of how to be affectionate because most of us have not had that positive example in front of us. So are we affectionate as Black people? NO. Could this change? YES Is it possible for change to occur? Definitely.

Anonymous
12:37 AM

Affection in Black marriages is definitely sub par in my opinion. Every Black woman that I know is lacking in it in one way or another. So why do we including myself stay in thsi realtionships, cause there is no hope that anyone will ever be any different, especially if they are Black with a "Y" chromosone. I became ill and had to go on disability, I found that love and affection equals bringing a paycheck home. I was a degreed professional, but I was respected and loved when I bought a paycheck home and was told how his 51 year old mother still works. I don't believe that the Black men of our generation were soicalized to love, be knd, affectionate, sincere, caring to Black women. My husband told me once that he doesn't even think a child needs two parents cause his mother didn't raise her kids that way. This man is 35 by the way... its awful and sad, I see the same cycle now. Many Black women that I know say that their Black man do bettter in their offices or work environments and when mixed with other races they always do better affectionately or just rather being polite. Another reason we stay with Black men, circumstances and I have heard that most of us don't want to be lonely...so we put up with it, teach along the way, and when we find that we hve to compete with the Black mans' affectionate teacher "porno" we simply justify it all with, he doesn't know any better or its harmless. Having said all that, we can cook our hearts out, clean the houses, raise the children, take trips, be submissive, believe in GOD,but the fact still remains, alot of them did not leave their upbringing with the knowledge of how to be affectionate because most of us have not had that positive example in front of us. So are we affectionate as Black people no, could this change? Is there hope, definitely.

5:36 PM

I just wrote a note on my blog about the lack of PDA in the black community.
http://lion-essence.blogspot.com/2009/01/love-life-thoughts-part-2.html

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