When mums told me that a man’s happiness was not going to be her sadness, something clicked inside of me. Her words were like the key that locked my thoughts in place. As I sat there listening to her story, I slowly drifted back into my own past experiences. I thought, “How much time did I spend waiting for phone calls, thinking about what he was thinking, feeling like I was the only person in a relationship meant for two? How long did it take me to realize that the after taste of a short and sweet love was long and bitter heartache? How long was his happiness my sadness?”

In a balanced relationship each partner contributes 50%, and receives that in return. It is true that there are occasions when love requires us to sacrifice a little extra or request a bit more from our partners, but this should never be the norm. The equation of love consists of gaining happiness by giving love to others; not gaining happiness by gaining love. If your partner is getting more affection than you are receiving in return, it’s time to start exploring why this is the case. Love never requires us to lose ourselves in the pursuit of another. Talk to girlfriends. Sit silently with your thoughts. Most importantly, let your partner know what you are feeling. In the coming weeks, begin to use communication as a means of turning your sadness into your happiness.

Also, remember that communication is essential. Rather than assume your partner is a mind reader, consider daily conversations as a tool for fostering openness and honesty. You will have a greater understanding of each other if you talk about your individual thoughts on a regular basis. Dialogue reduces instances of jealousy, over-analytical behavior, and room for misinterpretation. When negative energy is out of focus, there will be more focus on strengthening the level of emotional intimacy between the two of you. Essentially, these are the activities that transform a relationship into a true partnership.

If you are currently single and searching, avoid taking advice from those who claim to know the Top Ten Ways to Find a Mate. Relationship Hunters are almost always easy to spot. They are either the first to be avoided or taken advantage of (in the interest of a one night stand). If nothing else consider three things. One: most people don’t find love; love finds them. Two: Beyond physical attraction, people are generally drawn to those who are confident & comfortable with who they are. Three: You are more likely to exude confidence when you are participating in activities you enjoy rather than surveying prospective lovers in a bar.

Point being, focus on finding yourself and your mate will find you. When you find comfort in your way of life, others will surprising gravitate towards you for friendship and love. After all, anyone in love will tell you, it happens when you least expect it, and probably when your not looking.